Funny excerpts from performance evaluations

drink-out-of-a-hoseSometimes we just need a break during career stress or a job search…so here’s a chuckle for you!


These quotes were taken from actual performance evaluations:

1. “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.”
2. “His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.”
3. “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
4. “This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely-won’t-be.”
5. “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
6. “When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.”
7. “He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”
8. “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
9. “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
10. “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
11. “This employee should go far – and the sooner he starts, the better.”


  1. These are hilarious, and if they showed up on my performance review I would probably cry. I can’t believe these are really from anyone’s review. I would be so depressed! Ohemmgeee. I laughed out loud reading them.

    Elizabeth T, Early Rise

    • Job Search Trainer says:

      I’m glad you liked–I did the same thing and laughed out loud at some of them!!

  2. Wow – funny, but something you never want to see on your actual Performance Evaluation!

  3. Thanks for the laugh, those were hilarious.